31 Plays in 31 Days: #14 - "Work-Life Balance"

This piece is about superheroes, including Wondra from piece number five. I think this one came out pretty cute and funny, more fully realized than its predecessor. Here Wondra confronts a fellow superhero, Bantam, on a rooftop while on patrol because he took care of a crime in the area of the city she's supposed to protect. Perhaps I should delve more into writing humorous commentary on what it's like to live the life of a superhero, as this piece is rather successful.

I give full credit for the joke about Bantam's name to , who said it to me on Twitter.


Day #14 - "Work-Life Balance"

(BANTAM, a superhero in costume, perches of on a ledge overlooking the city. Suddenly another costumed hero, WONDRA, leaps out to land behind him.)

WONDRA: Bantam!

(He spins around with a start and goes into ready mode, but checks himself when he sees that it’s her.)

BANTAM: Whoa! Wondra! What gives?

WONDRA: You poached my collar!

BANTAM: What are you talking about?

WONDRA: You did! You foiled a crime on my turf yesterday! The heist on 24th Street!

BANTAM: Oh, come on.

WONDRA: You know that the west side is my territory— everything from the Cloverleaf Mall over.

BANTAM: The mall is on the border, it’s fair game. Plus, you never showed up!

WONDRA: I was on my way!

BANTAM: Yeah, well, if I waited for you to get there, I might as well have just driven the getaway car for them.

WONDRA: I had… something else to do.

BANTAM: Well, somebody had to take care of things, and I was right there!

WONDRA: Oh, you weren’t busy, imagine that! The only other thing you have to do is correct people about your stupid name.

BANTAM: It’s not stupid!

WONDRA: “No, it’s Bantam, not Batman…”

BANTAM: It’s like bantamweight boxer!

WONDRA: “No, it’s not Phantom either, it’s with a B!” What even is that?

BANTAM: It’s a kind of fighting bird!

WONDRA: It’s still a chicken, dude.

BANTAM: Better than being that special flour for making gravy!

WONDRA: It’s supposed to sound like “wonder!” When did everybody become a sauce expert all of a sudden?

BANTAM: Whatever. I handled it, it’s done. Just remember, if you’re going to say you’ve got the west side covered, try penciling a patrol or two into your busy schedule.

WONDRA: Yeah, well, let’s see how prompt you are getting to crimes in progress when you’ve got a kid you have to take to ballet class.

BANTAM: You’ve got a kid, huh?

WONDRA: Yeah. An eight-year-old girl. So sometimes I’ve got other stuff I have to do instead of chilling on rooftops all day long.

BANTAM: Hey, I’ve got responsibilities too, you know. You’re not the only one with people in their life.

WONDRA: Yeah? You got any kids?

BANTAM: No… but my parents live in town. And they get on my case if I can’t make it to dinner every Sunday. So I get the passive-aggressive phone calls, even though it’s not like crime takes a regular night off.

WONDRA: Oh, that’s the worst.

BANTAM: If you’re in the middle of taking out some robbers or something, and your cell phone won’t stop ringing.

WONDRA: And Mom leaves you six hundred messages about how you don’t call enough.

BANTAM: Because even though you’re in the process of cleaning up the streets they walk every day, apparently you’re still the worst and most ungrateful offspring ever.

WONDRA: So you end up having to blow off a few patrols you should be making just to get them off your back.

BANTAM: That’s for sure. If I tell my girlfriend I have to work late one more time, she’s going to start thinking I’m having an affair.

WONDRA: You haven’t told her?

BANTAM: No. We’ve only been dating a couple months, and well… got to be careful with your secret identity.

WONDRA: I know what you mean.

BANTAM: One bad breakup, and you could have every supervillain in the tri-state area showing up on your doorstep. Also, I want to make sure she isn’t going to think I’m a freak.

WONDRA: No kidding! My husband thinks we’re all crazy. For running around in skintight leotards risking our lives.

BANTAM: Geez, how that does work? Is he on your case all the time?

WONDRA: He… still doesn’t know.

BANTAM: He doesn’t?

WONDRA: Well… I took it up after we got married. It’s a hell of a thing to spring on somebody.

BANTAM: It’s true. But it’s either that or lie to them forever and feel guilty.

WONDRA: Oh, wait till you have kids. You might have been up every night this week making the world a safer place for them to live, but if you miss even one school play, you’ve ruined their lives. Then you’ll know what it’s like to feel guilty.

BANTAM: Talk about ungrateful offspring.

WONDRA: When we’re just trying to do the right thing.

BANTAM: To keep people safe.

WONDRA: To keep them safe. That’s just… not all they need from us.

BANTAM: Yeah. So… sometimes you can’t be out there to foil every crime.

WONDRA: Even if it is in your territory.

BANTAM: I guess… we’ll just have to cover for each other when we can. Watch each other’s backs, like.

WONDRA: That sounds pretty good.

BANTAM: You know… I got this family thing coming up next Thursday, they’ll skin me alive if I can’t make it… and the First National Bank over on Treadwell Street’s been seeing some suspicions vans driving around the place. If you’re not busy, maybe you could keep an eye on things for me that night.

WONDRA: My kid’s going to be visiting her grandparents then. I think I can do that.

BANTAM: Thanks, Wondra. That’s really cool.

WONDRA: No problem. And… good job yesterday on 24th Street.

BANTAM: No big deal. I’m usually pretty free on Monday nights.

(They nod at each other. WONDRA bounds off, while BANTAM goes back to keeping vigil from the ledge.)