31 Plays in 31 Days: #5 - "Chasseur"

This piece is to introduce a character I've had in mind for a while now, a ballet-themed superhero called Chasseur that would be an addition to my superhero universe. I'm considering calling it "Vantage" after the name of the fictional city it takes place in. It was surprisingly hard to figure out how to present, until it occurred to me stage it as a conversation with Bantam, questioning his credentials to be a superhero. It helped up the conflict a little bit. This needs much more shaping to be a full ten-minute play, but it has a lot of really fun, funny ideas in it that I would like to develop later.

Also, sharp-eyed readers may note, he can only do TEN consecutive pirouettes. He may be a superhero, but he's still not Baryshnikov. ;-)

Day #5 - "Chasseur"

BANTAM, a rooster-themed brawler superhero, mid twenties
CHASSEUR, a ballet-themed superhero, mid twenties
~~~

(Two superheroes, BANTAM and CHASSEUR, hang out on a rooftop.)

BANTAM: Doesn’t that mean… “shoe”?

CHASSEUR: Your schoolboy French fails you. I’m “Chasseur,” not “chaussure.” It means “hunter.”

BANTAM: You don’t sound French to me.

CHASSEUR: I’m not. It’s just most of the terms in ballet are. I thought that was the most intimidating derivation I could come up with.

BANTAM: Everybody’s going to think your name is “Shoe.”

CHASSEUR: Big talk from somebody called after a chicken.

BANTAM: Of course, if you’re going for intimidating, it’s not like ballet gives you a lot to work with.

CHASSEUR: What’s that?

BANTAM: Well, I mean, you know…

CHASSEUR: Are you implying that ballet is, how do you say, for sissies?

BANTAM: Oh, no. I’m sure it’s really tough to get good at. But come on, it’s not like—

CHASSEUR: Boxing? Like what you do?

BANTAM: It teaches you to take a hit, that’s for sure. Can’t be a wuss for that.

CHASSEUR: And you think you can to dance ballet?

BANTAM: Well—

CHASSEUR: They’re more like superheroes than boxers.

BANTAM: Oh, bullshit.

CHASSEUR: No kidding.

BANTAM: Boxers fight! Superheroes have to be able to.

CHASSEUR: You might laugh, but you know nothing. It’s actually the perfect synergy between jobs.

BANTAM: How do you figure?

CHASSEUR: Since I was seven years old, I’ve spent of my time training my body to endure punishing physical challenges and to perform exceptional athletic feats. In fact, you could almost view it as a form of cross-training. You can bet that when I’m leaping for my life, I’m leaping pretty damn high.

BANTAM: It takes more than being fit.

CHASSEUR: My skill set lends itself very nicely too! Like, how about grabbing hold of damsels and carrying them off over your head, or throwing them into the air?

BANTAM: Well— the average woman you’re going to rescue is going to weigh more than a ballerina—

CHASSEUR: And can you kick high enough to nail a minion square in the jaw?

BANTAM: Still. That doesn’t make you tough.

CHASSEUR: Oh, yeah? Try doing all that for three solid hours and finishing on ten consecutive pirouettes.

(Pause.)

CHASSEUR: And, hey! I’m used to working in tights!

(He laughs.)

CHASSEUR: Anyway. The point I’m getting at is, when you’re in costume— two words. Dance. Belt. It’ll change everything.

(He pats BANTAM on the shoulder.)

CHASSEUR: You’ll thank me later.

(He leaps out.)

31 Plays in 31 Days: #1 - "Believing in Heroes"

And we begin with 31 Plays in 31 Days 2013! To start things off, I wrote a piece I've had planned for some time now. It was inspired by this piece, Work-Life Balance, where two superheroes Bantam and Wondra commiserate over how tough it can be leading the life of a superhero. It was performed in New York last December in a short play festival.

Though very unpolished, I like the idea of this piece as an expansion of this little universe that I mean to build up as an amusing parody of the superhero genre. It was interesting because I wrote a complete outline of this piece ages ago but never got around to writing it. It made for a smooth process of at least getting the bones of the piece written. I think I should go to the trouble to outline first more often.

Wish me luck this month!

Day #1 - "Believing in Heroes"

OLIVIA, a young woman, mid-twenties
MATTHEW, her boyfriend, secretly the superhero Bantam, mid-twenties
WONDRA, another superhero, early thirties
~~~

(OLIVIA sits alone in her apartment, trying to read a magazine, but she is annoyed and distracted. She keeps sighing, checking her watch, impatiently waiting.)

OLIVIA: Quarter till? Seriously?

(She tries to go back to her magazine, but is so irritated she can’t focus.)

OLIVIA: Where is he already?

(She considers, then takes out her cell phone. She dials and puts the phone to her ear. After a moment she is surprised to hear the sound of another phone ringing. She looks around and discovers the phone she is calling has been left there on the table.)

OLIVIA: Seriously!?

(She hangs up and slams her phone down in frustration. She slumps back in her chair. After a moment, the second phone starts ringing. She stares at it, then decides to pick it up and answer it.)

OLIVIA: Matthew Christopher’s phone.

(Lights up on WONDRA on the other side of the stage, crouching on a block as if on the edge of a building, cell phone to her ear.)

WONDRA: Um, hi. Who is this?

OLIVIA: This is his girlfriend.

WONDRA: Oh! Oh, geez.

OLIVIA: Who is this?

WONDRA: Oh, it’s— nobody. Don’t worry about it.

OLIVIA: Is there something you wanted?

WONDRA: Um, well, yeah, but— can you just tell him that— W called?

OLIVIA: W?

WONDRA: Yeah.

OLIVIA: No problem. Sure thing.

(She hangs up abruptly. Lights down on a nonplussed WONDRA staring at her phone. OLIVIA tosses MATTHEW’s phone away and begins pacing, angry and upset.)

(At long last, MATTHEW enters, rushed and stressed out, with a huge backpack on his back.)

MATTHEW: Hey! Finally back.

OLIVIA: Where were you?

(He swings his backpack down off of his shoulder and tosses it on the ground.)

MATTHEW: I’m sorry I’m late, traffic was hell on the pike.

OLIVIA: You’re always late anymore.

MATTHEW: I know, I’m sorry. But if I change quickly we can still make our reservation.

(He starts to exit.)

OLIVIA: Who’s W?

(He stops in his tracks and turns around.)

MATTHEW: What?

OLIVIA: Who is W?

MATTHEW: I don’t know what you mean.

OLIVIA: She called. You left your phone on the table.

MATTHEW: I did? Oh, shit.

(He rushes to get it.)

OLIVIA: She wouldn’t give me her name. She just wanted me to tell you W called.

MATTHEW: Oh! W. Yeah, she’s a friend.

OLIVIA: Oh, yeah? Then why wouldn’t she give her name?

MATTHEW: I don’t know.

OLIVIA: You don’t know?

MATTHEW: No, I don’t. Is something wrong?

OLIVIA: What is her name, then?

MATTHEW: Are you mad at me?

OLIVIA: For Christ’s sake, Matthew!

MATTHEW: Is this because I’m late? Look, I really sorry about that—

OLIVIA: Are you having an affair?

MATTHEW: What!?

OLIVIA: Tell me, Matthew.

MATTHEW: Of course I’m not! That’s crazy! Why would you think that?

OLIVIA: Oh, come on. You’re always late to everything, and you always have some lame excuse for why. And now you’re getting anonymous phone calls from women who won’t tell me who they are? What am I supposed to think?

MATTHEW: That’s not what happening.

(She snatches up his phone and goes through it.)

OLIVIA: Oh, my God! She calls you all the time! And you’re going to lie to me about her!?

MATTHEW: She’s a friend. We— we work together! Sort of.

OLIVIA: Then why haven’t I heard of her before?

MATTHEW: It’s— it’s complicated.

OLIVIA: Complicated how?

MATTHEW: You wouldn’t understand.

OLIVIA: What wouldn’t I understand!?

(Pause.)

OLIVIA: I’m losing my mind here. Tell me the truth, Matthew.

MATTHEW: All right. All right.

(He takes a deep breath, and steels himself. He turns away from her.)

MATTHEW: The truth is, W… is Wondra.

OLIVIA: Wondra. The superhero.

MATTHEW: Yeah.

OLIVIA: The superhero who leaps from the rooftops and karate-kicks bad guys.

MATTHEW: That’s the one.

OLIVIA: And why would Wondra be calling you?

MATTHEW: Well, that’s the big thing… it’s because I’m a superhero too.

(OLIVIA stares.)

MATTHEW: You might have heard of me. Bantam. The… the brawler. With the fighting rooster theme. Wondra and I work together sometimes.

(Beat.)

MATTHEW: I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I’ve been doing it a while now, before we started dating. And I didn’t know how you would react, and we have to keep our identities secret, and well… I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.

(Beat.)

MATTHEW: Please, Olivia. Please say something.

OLIVIA: No.

MATTHEW: Excuse me?

OLIVIA: No. No, I don’t believe you.

MATTHEW: But it’s true!

OLIVIA: How stupid do you think I am?

MATTHEW: Why would I say something like that if it weren’t true?

OLIVIA: I don’t know. I don’t understand any of this.

MATTHEW: But… you said it yourself, you’re starting to see the evidence. And not just that I’m late everywhere, or that I’m hard to get hold of. Why do you think I’m listening to that police scanner all the time?

OLIVIA: You inherited that from your dad.

MATTHEW: What about all the bruises I have?

OLIVIA: You’re a boxer, they’re from fights at the gym.

MATTHEW: They’re from the fights with bad guys!

OLIVIA: Oh, Jesus, why are you doing this to me!?

MATTHEW: Olivia, I swear to you, I’m telling you the truth! Look!

(He grabs his backpack, ribs it open, and pulls out his Bantam costume. He holds it up to show to her.)

MATTHEW: This is my costume! You have to have seen it in the newspapers before. Look at it, Olivia! It’s the real thing! Why would I be carrying this around if it weren’t true?

(Pause.)

MATTHEW: Why can’t you believe me?

OLIVIA: It doesn’t make any sense.

MATTHEW: Why?

OLIVIA: Because! Because… you can’t be a superhero. You just can’t be.

MATTHEW: Why is that?

OLIVIA: You’re not like that.

MATTHEW: Like what!?

OLIVIA: Like… a hero!

(He stares at her.)

OLIVIA: Superheroes are… powerful and strong, and they go out and risk their lives for people! They take crazy risks, and they’re not afraid. They’re heroes! And I— and I—

MATTHEW: And you don’t believe that could be me.

(She stops short but says nothing.)

MATTHEW: I can understand that you thought I was having an affair. But to think that of me… that hurts way more.

(He storms out. OLIVIA collapses into a chair, head in her hands.)

(After a moment, MATTHEW’s phone starts ringing again on the table. OLIVIA stares at it. Lights up on WONDRA perched on the far side of the stage again. Tentatively OLIVIA picks it up and answers it, but says nothing.)

WONDRA: Hello? Hello, is anyone there?

(Beat.)

WONDRA: Hello?

(Beat.)

OLIVIA: Wondra?

(WONDRA gasps.)

WONDRA: Who is this?

(OLIVIA startles and hangs up the phone. Lights down on WONDRA. OLIVIA sits frozen in the chair a moment. Then, slowly, her shocked gaze turns in the direction of where MATTHEW exited.)

31 Plays in 31 Days: #14 - "Work-Life Balance"

This piece is about superheroes, including Wondra from piece number five. I think this one came out pretty cute and funny, more fully realized than its predecessor. Here Wondra confronts a fellow superhero, Bantam, on a rooftop while on patrol because he took care of a crime in the area of the city she's supposed to protect. Perhaps I should delve more into writing humorous commentary on what it's like to live the life of a superhero, as this piece is rather successful.

I give full credit for the joke about Bantam's name to , who said it to me on Twitter.


Day #14 - "Work-Life Balance"

(BANTAM, a superhero in costume, perches of on a ledge overlooking the city. Suddenly another costumed hero, WONDRA, leaps out to land behind him.)

WONDRA: Bantam!

(He spins around with a start and goes into ready mode, but checks himself when he sees that it’s her.)

BANTAM: Whoa! Wondra! What gives?

WONDRA: You poached my collar!

BANTAM: What are you talking about?

WONDRA: You did! You foiled a crime on my turf yesterday! The heist on 24th Street!

BANTAM: Oh, come on.

WONDRA: You know that the west side is my territory— everything from the Cloverleaf Mall over.

BANTAM: The mall is on the border, it’s fair game. Plus, you never showed up!

WONDRA: I was on my way!

BANTAM: Yeah, well, if I waited for you to get there, I might as well have just driven the getaway car for them.

WONDRA: I had… something else to do.

BANTAM: Well, somebody had to take care of things, and I was right there!

WONDRA: Oh, you weren’t busy, imagine that! The only other thing you have to do is correct people about your stupid name.

BANTAM: It’s not stupid!

WONDRA: “No, it’s Bantam, not Batman…”

BANTAM: It’s like bantamweight boxer!

WONDRA: “No, it’s not Phantom either, it’s with a B!” What even is that?

BANTAM: It’s a kind of fighting bird!

WONDRA: It’s still a chicken, dude.

BANTAM: Better than being that special flour for making gravy!

WONDRA: It’s supposed to sound like “wonder!” When did everybody become a sauce expert all of a sudden?

BANTAM: Whatever. I handled it, it’s done. Just remember, if you’re going to say you’ve got the west side covered, try penciling a patrol or two into your busy schedule.

WONDRA: Yeah, well, let’s see how prompt you are getting to crimes in progress when you’ve got a kid you have to take to ballet class.

BANTAM: You’ve got a kid, huh?

WONDRA: Yeah. An eight-year-old girl. So sometimes I’ve got other stuff I have to do instead of chilling on rooftops all day long.

BANTAM: Hey, I’ve got responsibilities too, you know. You’re not the only one with people in their life.

WONDRA: Yeah? You got any kids?

BANTAM: No… but my parents live in town. And they get on my case if I can’t make it to dinner every Sunday. So I get the passive-aggressive phone calls, even though it’s not like crime takes a regular night off.

WONDRA: Oh, that’s the worst.

BANTAM: If you’re in the middle of taking out some robbers or something, and your cell phone won’t stop ringing.

WONDRA: And Mom leaves you six hundred messages about how you don’t call enough.

BANTAM: Because even though you’re in the process of cleaning up the streets they walk every day, apparently you’re still the worst and most ungrateful offspring ever.

WONDRA: So you end up having to blow off a few patrols you should be making just to get them off your back.

BANTAM: That’s for sure. If I tell my girlfriend I have to work late one more time, she’s going to start thinking I’m having an affair.

WONDRA: You haven’t told her?

BANTAM: No. We’ve only been dating a couple months, and well… got to be careful with your secret identity.

WONDRA: I know what you mean.

BANTAM: One bad breakup, and you could have every supervillain in the tri-state area showing up on your doorstep. Also, I want to make sure she isn’t going to think I’m a freak.

WONDRA: No kidding! My husband thinks we’re all crazy. For running around in skintight leotards risking our lives.

BANTAM: Geez, how that does work? Is he on your case all the time?

WONDRA: He… still doesn’t know.

BANTAM: He doesn’t?

WONDRA: Well… I took it up after we got married. It’s a hell of a thing to spring on somebody.

BANTAM: It’s true. But it’s either that or lie to them forever and feel guilty.

WONDRA: Oh, wait till you have kids. You might have been up every night this week making the world a safer place for them to live, but if you miss even one school play, you’ve ruined their lives. Then you’ll know what it’s like to feel guilty.

BANTAM: Talk about ungrateful offspring.

WONDRA: When we’re just trying to do the right thing.

BANTAM: To keep people safe.

WONDRA: To keep them safe. That’s just… not all they need from us.

BANTAM: Yeah. So… sometimes you can’t be out there to foil every crime.

WONDRA: Even if it is in your territory.

BANTAM: I guess… we’ll just have to cover for each other when we can. Watch each other’s backs, like.

WONDRA: That sounds pretty good.

BANTAM: You know… I got this family thing coming up next Thursday, they’ll skin me alive if I can’t make it… and the First National Bank over on Treadwell Street’s been seeing some suspicions vans driving around the place. If you’re not busy, maybe you could keep an eye on things for me that night.

WONDRA: My kid’s going to be visiting her grandparents then. I think I can do that.

BANTAM: Thanks, Wondra. That’s really cool.

WONDRA: No problem. And… good job yesterday on 24th Street.

BANTAM: No big deal. I’m usually pretty free on Monday nights.

(They nod at each other. WONDRA bounds off, while BANTAM goes back to keeping vigil from the ledge.)

31 Plays in 31 Days: #5 - "Wondra"

Today, surprisingly, was the first day I struggled a little to figure out what story to write about; the others came to relatively easily by comparison. But I settled on the silly little conceit of a stay-at-home mom who, for some reason, has a surprising amount of empathy for a local female superhero. I think this is the weakest of all the pieces I've written so far for 31 Days 31 Plays, I feel like I've missed a lot of opportunities. This should be wittier and funnier, and I should have come up with a cleverer name for the superhero than Wondra. Of course, in making fun of the fact that Wondra isn't the best name, I added in one of the few actually funny lines in the piece. Still, lame as it may be right now, it might have potential if I go back and fix it up later. I like the conceit, even if I didn't quite make it work this time. And hey, at least I'm still five for five!


Day #5 - "Wondra"

(A woman, JILLIAN, is laying out breakfasts and packing a lunchbox in the kitchen. She is dressed in a big fluffy bathrobe. She checks the large wristwatch she is wearing.)

JILLIAN: Katie! Hurry up or you’re going to be late!

(A small girl, KATIE, runs in.)

KATIE: Stop right there, evildoer! Wondra is here!

(JILLIAN laughs and hands her lunchbox to her.)

JILLIAN: Come on, Wondra, don’t forget your lunch or you’ll be fighting crime on an empty stomach.

(Enter RICH, her husband, dressed for work.)

RICH: Sweetie, don’t you have a bus to catch?

KATIE: I got bad guys to catch! Just like Wondra!

RICH: Well, get moving, Mom can’t drive you, she’s got her gymnastics class.

KATIE: I’m going to be a great gymnast too someday!

RICH: You want to win a medal too?

KATIE: No, I want to fight crime like Wondra!

(JILLIAN laughs as KATIE runs out.)

JILLIAN: She's playing superheroes again.

RICH: You know, she’s in the news again today. The real Wondra.

JILLIAN: (Pleased) Oh, yeah?

RICH: Another article in the paper for your collection. Apparently she caught a bunch of guys trying to break into a jewelry store, beat them up, and left them tied to the flag pole in the center of the mini-mall.

JILLIAN: Heh, the flag pole was a nice touch, huh?

(RICH sniggers and shakes his head.)

JILLIAN: Huh? What are you laughing about?

RICH: What? Oh, nothing, it’s just— I don’t get what could possess somebody to do this.

JILLIAN: What!?

RICH: I mean, it’s crazy! This girl’s running around in colored tights and a mask karate-kicking bad guys! She sounds like a nut!

JILLIAN: She is not!

RICH: And that name! Isn’t Wondra that special flour you can find in the grocery store that makes really good gravy?

JILLIAN: It’s because she’s wonderful, Rich!

RICH: Oh, what’s so wonderful about her?

JILLIAN: I think she’s great! She’s out there, you know, foiling crime and protecting the innocent!

RICH: She’s going to get herself killed.

JILLIAN: I think she’s brave. Risking herself to do the right thing.

(JILLIAN turns away and begins angrily eating her own breakfast. RICH is surprised by the strength of her reaction.)

RICH: Jill? Are you okay?

JILLIAN: Sure.

RICH: Come on, Jill, what’s wrong?

JILLIAN: It’s just… I don’t think it’s fair to just dismiss her as a crazy person when she’s just trying to do some good! She has… the special abilities she needs to do something nobody else can do, and you just deride her for wanting to do it?

RICH: Jeez, I didn’t mean—

JILLIAN: And God forbid somebody like her step outside their assigned role as helpless female! I for one am glad Katie has a strong female role model!

RICH: Jillian—

JILLIAN: Someone who makes a difference! Somebody who doesn’t just settle for… mundane, conventional, boring… safety.

(She finishes in a huff and crosses her arms, not looking at him.)

RICH: Oh. Wow. I, uh, I’m sorry, Jillian.

(She doesn’t answer.)

RICH: Are you okay?

JILLIAN: No!

RICH: I’m sorry. Please talk to me. We should talk about this. Do you feel like you’re conventional and boring?

JILLIAN: No!

RICH: Do you feel like we don’t appreciate the special stuff about you?

JILLIAN: No! Well… maybe.

RICH: Well, I’m sorry about that. I do think you’re special.

JILLIAN: Really?

RICH: Yeah! You’re always busy, you have a lot of projects. You expose Katie to all kinds of cool stuff I never could! And you’re really dedicated—I mean, you won all those competitions as a professional gymnast! I think it’s cool that you still keep up with it even after you retired.

(She makes a face of frustration.)

RICH: And I’m proud of the fact that you always want to do the right thing.

(She melts a little.)

JILLIAN: Well… I’m glad you see all that.

RICH: I do.

JILLIAN: And you promise you won’t make fun of Wondra anymore?

RICH: Promise. She’s pretty amazing, actually, now that you mention it.

JILLIAN: You better believe she is!

(She smacks his playfully on the shoulder, smiling again. They kiss.)

RICH: I guess I’d better get going to work. I love you, honey.

JILLIAN: I love you, too.

RICH: I’ll see you tonight. Have a good day!

(He gathers up his bag and exits.)

(Once JILLIAN is alone in the kitchen, a blue light on the wristwatch starts blinking. JILLIAN looks at it intently, then pulls a blue domino mask out of her robe pocket and puts it on her face. She throws off the robe, revealing her skintight blue Wondra costume.)

JILLIAN: Don’t worry, dear, I will!

(She dashes offstage to save the day.)