Though very unpolished, I like the idea of this piece as an expansion of this little universe that I mean to build up as an amusing parody of the superhero genre. It was interesting because I wrote a complete outline of this piece ages ago but never got around to writing it. It made for a smooth process of at least getting the bones of the piece written. I think I should go to the trouble to outline first more often.
Wish me luck this month!
OLIVIA, a young woman, mid-twenties
MATTHEW, her boyfriend, secretly the superhero Bantam, mid-twenties
WONDRA, another superhero, early thirties
~~~
(OLIVIA sits alone in her apartment, trying to read a magazine, but she is annoyed and distracted. She keeps sighing, checking her watch, impatiently waiting.)
OLIVIA: Quarter till? Seriously?
(She tries to go back to her magazine, but is so irritated she can’t focus.)
OLIVIA: Where is he already?
(She considers, then takes out her cell phone. She dials and puts the phone to her ear. After a moment she is surprised to hear the sound of another phone ringing. She looks around and discovers the phone she is calling has been left there on the table.)
OLIVIA: Seriously!?
(She hangs up and slams her phone down in frustration. She slumps back in her chair. After a moment, the second phone starts ringing. She stares at it, then decides to pick it up and answer it.)
OLIVIA: Matthew Christopher’s phone.
(Lights up on WONDRA on the other side of the stage, crouching on a block as if on the edge of a building, cell phone to her ear.)
WONDRA: Um, hi. Who is this?
OLIVIA: This is his girlfriend.
WONDRA: Oh! Oh, geez.
OLIVIA: Who is this?
WONDRA: Oh, it’s— nobody. Don’t worry about it.
OLIVIA: Is there something you wanted?
WONDRA: Um, well, yeah, but— can you just tell him that— W called?
OLIVIA: W?
WONDRA: Yeah.
OLIVIA: No problem. Sure thing.
(She hangs up abruptly. Lights down on a nonplussed WONDRA staring at her phone. OLIVIA tosses MATTHEW’s phone away and begins pacing, angry and upset.)
(At long last, MATTHEW enters, rushed and stressed out, with a huge backpack on his back.)
MATTHEW: Hey! Finally back.
OLIVIA: Where were you?
(He swings his backpack down off of his shoulder and tosses it on the ground.)
MATTHEW: I’m sorry I’m late, traffic was hell on the pike.
OLIVIA: You’re always late anymore.
MATTHEW: I know, I’m sorry. But if I change quickly we can still make our reservation.
(He starts to exit.)
OLIVIA: Who’s W?
(He stops in his tracks and turns around.)
MATTHEW: What?
OLIVIA: Who is W?
MATTHEW: I don’t know what you mean.
OLIVIA: She called. You left your phone on the table.
MATTHEW: I did? Oh, shit.
(He rushes to get it.)
OLIVIA: She wouldn’t give me her name. She just wanted me to tell you W called.
MATTHEW: Oh! W. Yeah, she’s a friend.
OLIVIA: Oh, yeah? Then why wouldn’t she give her name?
MATTHEW: I don’t know.
OLIVIA: You don’t know?
MATTHEW: No, I don’t. Is something wrong?
OLIVIA: What is her name, then?
MATTHEW: Are you mad at me?
OLIVIA: For Christ’s sake, Matthew!
MATTHEW: Is this because I’m late? Look, I really sorry about that—
OLIVIA: Are you having an affair?
MATTHEW: What!?
OLIVIA: Tell me, Matthew.
MATTHEW: Of course I’m not! That’s crazy! Why would you think that?
OLIVIA: Oh, come on. You’re always late to everything, and you always have some lame excuse for why. And now you’re getting anonymous phone calls from women who won’t tell me who they are? What am I supposed to think?
MATTHEW: That’s not what happening.
(She snatches up his phone and goes through it.)
OLIVIA: Oh, my God! She calls you all the time! And you’re going to lie to me about her!?
MATTHEW: She’s a friend. We— we work together! Sort of.
OLIVIA: Then why haven’t I heard of her before?
MATTHEW: It’s— it’s complicated.
OLIVIA: Complicated how?
MATTHEW: You wouldn’t understand.
OLIVIA: What wouldn’t I understand!?
(Pause.)
OLIVIA: I’m losing my mind here. Tell me the truth, Matthew.
MATTHEW: All right. All right.
(He takes a deep breath, and steels himself. He turns away from her.)
MATTHEW: The truth is, W… is Wondra.
OLIVIA: Wondra. The superhero.
MATTHEW: Yeah.
OLIVIA: The superhero who leaps from the rooftops and karate-kicks bad guys.
MATTHEW: That’s the one.
OLIVIA: And why would Wondra be calling you?
MATTHEW: Well, that’s the big thing… it’s because I’m a superhero too.
(OLIVIA stares.)
MATTHEW: You might have heard of me. Bantam. The… the brawler. With the fighting rooster theme. Wondra and I work together sometimes.
(Beat.)
MATTHEW: I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I’ve been doing it a while now, before we started dating. And I didn’t know how you would react, and we have to keep our identities secret, and well… I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.
(Beat.)
MATTHEW: Please, Olivia. Please say something.
OLIVIA: No.
MATTHEW: Excuse me?
OLIVIA: No. No, I don’t believe you.
MATTHEW: But it’s true!
OLIVIA: How stupid do you think I am?
MATTHEW: Why would I say something like that if it weren’t true?
OLIVIA: I don’t know. I don’t understand any of this.
MATTHEW: But… you said it yourself, you’re starting to see the evidence. And not just that I’m late everywhere, or that I’m hard to get hold of. Why do you think I’m listening to that police scanner all the time?
OLIVIA: You inherited that from your dad.
MATTHEW: What about all the bruises I have?
OLIVIA: You’re a boxer, they’re from fights at the gym.
MATTHEW: They’re from the fights with bad guys!
OLIVIA: Oh, Jesus, why are you doing this to me!?
MATTHEW: Olivia, I swear to you, I’m telling you the truth! Look!
(He grabs his backpack, ribs it open, and pulls out his Bantam costume. He holds it up to show to her.)
MATTHEW: This is my costume! You have to have seen it in the newspapers before. Look at it, Olivia! It’s the real thing! Why would I be carrying this around if it weren’t true?
(Pause.)
MATTHEW: Why can’t you believe me?
OLIVIA: It doesn’t make any sense.
MATTHEW: Why?
OLIVIA: Because! Because… you can’t be a superhero. You just can’t be.
MATTHEW: Why is that?
OLIVIA: You’re not like that.
MATTHEW: Like what!?
OLIVIA: Like… a hero!
(He stares at her.)
OLIVIA: Superheroes are… powerful and strong, and they go out and risk their lives for people! They take crazy risks, and they’re not afraid. They’re heroes! And I— and I—
MATTHEW: And you don’t believe that could be me.
(She stops short but says nothing.)
MATTHEW: I can understand that you thought I was having an affair. But to think that of me… that hurts way more.
(He storms out. OLIVIA collapses into a chair, head in her hands.)
(After a moment, MATTHEW’s phone starts ringing again on the table. OLIVIA stares at it. Lights up on WONDRA perched on the far side of the stage again. Tentatively OLIVIA picks it up and answers it, but says nothing.)
WONDRA: Hello? Hello, is anyone there?
(Beat.)
WONDRA: Hello?
(Beat.)
OLIVIA: Wondra?
(WONDRA gasps.)
WONDRA: Who is this?
(OLIVIA startles and hangs up the phone. Lights down on WONDRA. OLIVIA sits frozen in the chair a moment. Then, slowly, her shocked gaze turns in the direction of where MATTHEW exited.)
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